A Look Back


It’s been almost five years since we arrived here and I know as the anniversary of our arrival draws closer I’m going to be even more pensive than usual. Be forewarned.

Arriving late-July during the worst monsoon I’ve seen since we’ve been here, we were worn from eight months of living as nomads, a family of five going from house to house for weeks at a time. We landed in the middle of the most humid night ever and slept for half a day when we finally arrived at the hotel. We spent our first three weeks with friends who were also new, two families in two bedrooms, with seven kids between us. I’ll leave it at cozy and move on.

We have gone through so much as a family– our marriage has been tested, our kids have had the usual growing pains coupled with the fact that they have endured grief every time we come and go from one country to the other, and I have been stretched beyond what I would have ever imagined–the air feeling so thin sometimes that I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to breathe again.

There were things I could have done better and things I should have given myself grace about. There were times I should have asked for help and times I did ask and didn’t receive it. And certainly relationships that should have been cared for better, but there were so many days I only had energy for survival (some days this is still true and I’m finally okay with that).

But even in it all, God has been faithful. And he has given me strength when I thought I had nothing left to give to anyone. And he is making a way, his way, and restoring relationships that were broken and neglected. And miraculously, he is even using little me to do something dear to my heart that I could have never imagined five years ago– help other women.

And even in the hard, the brokenness I’ve felt at times, the struggles, the joys, some amazing things happened inside my heart and God allowed growth in spite of me. And that I would not trade for anything. 

So the next few weeks are going to be about looking back and remembering, because it’s good to do that from time to time. And I’ve been in the mood to write lately, so I’m going to go with it until it ends.


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